I started my professional career working in the field of childhood abuse.  As a survivor of past abuse I have a particular sensitivity to the issues.   If you wonder if you or your partner's experience of childhood was 'abuse' then read on.....

Abuse in childhood is defined as

To experience any or a combination of these can make us more vulnerable to emotional distress later in life.  Oftentimes the symptoms in adulthood are masked by compensatory behaviours - excessive reliance on alcohol or illegal drugs, uncontrollable anger, emotional distance - always keeping people at arms length.  

Paradoxically, sometimes the effects work in the opposite direction - with survivors of painful pasts being very sensitive to the moods and needs of others often in very self sacrificing ways.   

Common symptoms of a dysfunctional past are:

Having feelings of worthlessness or unlovability

Finding people take advantage of you or mistreat you

Misusing alcohol or drugs or choosing partners who do

Having an unhealthy relationship with food

Workaholism and being excessively driven to succeed in everything

Distrusting others and finding intimacy difficult

Self destructive behaviours and suicidal thoughts

A pattern of unstable or unsatisfactory relationships with loved ones

Finding healthy assertiveness difficult

Explosive or destructive anger

If you or your partner are experiencing any of the above symptoms in a way that interferes with the quality of your life or has come at a cost to you in the past, then it could help you to look at what it is that drives these behaviours.  We can't change the past but we can end the destructive behaviours and work in new more functional and healthy ways.  

Change is possible.  Life can be better.

To find out more try the following links:

Schema Therapy - a derivative of Cognitive Behavioural therapy which I have found to be particularly effective for people with a painful childhood history 

A couple of books you might like to try

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